It's been a couple of weeks

Okay, so I know it's been a couple of weeks and I said I was going to try to post more often, but I've been REALLY BUSY! Just wait until you see the photos.

I'm really trying to get things organized around the apartment. We have space, but it's not unlimited and Little A is getting bigger. She was given one of those motorized, battery operated, toy cars for her birthday and the damn thing is HUGE. Or, at least, it seems huge in my living room. Little A still sleeps in my room, usually in my bed, and her toys are out in the living room. When we only had a few, it wasn't a big deal. Two years later, it's kind of become a problem. We do plan to donate, but that requires getting BF to sit down with me and decide what to give a way. (I accidentally gave away a baby outfit he wanted to keep because he always says he isn't attached to Little A's baby stuff...) I saw something online that seemed like it would be a great fit for Little A's books.

I already have fabric and BF and I discussed making something out of PVC pipe in order to be extra cheap thrifty. We even have some spray paint left over from redecorating our bedroom ceiling fan. Then we went to Target. I'm not normally a Target shopper, but I wanted TWO things and didn't feel like driving all the way to Walmart for them. Big A has been asking for a different alarm clock than the one she has from Goodwill. She wants a clock radio that plays music instead of the alarm she has that just makes obnoxious bell sounds. One of BF's relatives sent the girls some birthday money, so I figured we could find a $10 clock radio at Target for Big A and a toy broom there for Little A who cries every time the regular brooms are pulled out because I don't let her play with them.

NEVER GO TO TARGET TO BUY TWO THINGS.

 

JUST DON'T DO IT.

 

 

We spent $93 in that damn store and walked out with more than two things. I'm glad our Minnesota Renter's Rebate was still in our bank account. Holy Crap Balls.

 

On the up side, I did get a few things to help organize the house.

 

 

 

 

This is now the new home of most of Little A's toys and books. I didn't think to take a "before" shot until after I'd already set up the new storage shelves and bins. Plus Bonus -- space for her Imagination Library books. Thanks Dolly!

 

Little A has a LOT of stuffed animals and I have a LOT of yarn. I found a pattern online for a toy net and made three of them. Try not to laugh too hard at the fubared one that ended up in Big A's room and holds three toys.

 

 

There are still some rather large stuffed animals and I'm out of wall space in the living room, so they ended up in one of the totes that used to house all of Little A's toys.

 

 

 

Since we're not getting our apartment security deposit back, I decided to use rather large screws to hang the brooms, mop, and ceiling fan blade duster in our entryway closet.

 

 

 

 

That lone broom not hung up on the wall was supposed to have a hole drilled into it by BF last weekend. *ahem* Yes, LAST weekend.

 

 

The feather duster you see in this next photo is part of the $93 I spent at Target. I really want a FlyLady Duster, but I can't justify the $17.95 plus shipping. This was my compromise. It was $9.00....

 



 



I repurposed a scarf I made after I first moved to Minnesota from the West Coast. I had NO IDEA what Winter was. I wanted a scarf I could wrap around my neck a few times. I was watching tv, back when we had tv service, and not really paying attention to how LONG I was making my scarf. I did use it, for about two Winters, but I've acclimated now and it mocks me from it's storage spot with the scarves I actually wear. I pinned it in two spots with diaper pins to keep it from unraveling.

 

 

 

While I was reorganizing (again...) the back bedroom, I Shanghaied BF into helping move down all the boxes and empty storage containers that we've been saving for "When We Move". Moving has been delayed several times over the last few years and I'm tired of not being able to use that back bedroom! I found a bunch of pinecones that Big A collected for me at Munsinger Gardens just before I found out I was pregnant with Little A. I've kept them for two years with my crochet things because I didn't know what else to do with them. While listening to a crafting podcast on the Lion Brand website, I was inspired to use one of the vases that are sitting up above my kitchen cabinets. The flowers are from the girls and are probably ready to be recycled back outside.

 

 

So, that's what I've been up to the last couple of weeks with my crafting. I've also been reading a TON because it's been too hot to work on large crochet projects. I'm reading organization books and religion books and sci-fi books and pretty much anything I can get my hands on.


Have a great weekend!

 

 

 

 

 

 




 

Nothing Crunchy or Crafty this week

I have anything particularly crafty or crunchy to talk about this week, but I'll do my best to write something interesting.

It's World Breastfeeding Week. Facebook is full of photos of moms feeding their babies and I think it's awesome. I was checking out the photos and Little A was next to me. She loves to look at photos of babies. Once she realized ALL the babies were eating, she made her sign for boobies, climbed up in my lap, and got in on the boobie action. I thought that was pretty awesome.

My cat, Jack, caught a chipmunk this week. Ugh! The office building next door is doing some renovations and they've added a fenced in play area. This disrupted the chipmunks and now they're all over the place digging new burrows. My cat has figured out how to jump down from our balcony and usually just hangs out or eats grass. I don't like him down there because the street is pretty close by and he's not an outside cat, but I didn't really worry that much about it. Then, a couple nights ago, he came into the house with a damn chipmunk in his mouth! The little thing was still alive and the cat dropped it right away once we started hollering. The chipmunk hid and we couldn't find it, despite moving the couch and chairs to look under them. I guess the poor thing ran into the kitchen at some point, because BF found it behind the fridge the next afternoon. BF caught the chipmunk with a towel and released it back outside, hopefully only slightly worse for wear.

On July 13^th, I made a commitment to myself to drop 15 pounds by the end of November. I knew just changing my eating habits wouldn't cut it. I have a Gazelle set up in our back bedroom and I can actually get to it now, after rearranging some stuff around in there. That room is sort of our catch all room. I was going to bike 1.6 miles every day (to the park by my house and back), but Big A's bike isn't a good fit and, even with the seat all the way up, I looked like the older brother from The Goonies. So, since I can actually GET TO my Gazelle, I decided to walk for 35 minutes at least four times a week instead of trying to ride a bike not made for someone over five feet tall. I downloaded a bunch of Sci-Fri podcasts to my phone. I get up early to walk. If I wait to walk until I'm more awake, I just won't do it. So, I'm up early with headphones and a podcast or three.

I've lost 5.8 pounds so far and I'm really proud of myself. I don't really like waking up early. Once school starts again for Big A, I'll be up even earlier. I just remind myself that I'm doing this for me so that I can be healthier. It was one of my goals for this year. It's taken me a while to get motivated, but I'm working on it now, and that's what matters. Not the six and a half months it took me to find the motivation... At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

I made a mini schedule for each day of the week. Really more of a task list. I have one item for each day that I work on and the item name starts with the day of the week it's listed under. For example, my Monday task is to Make Imperfect Progress. That's a reminder to me to work on something that I've been putting off such as my GIANT pile of paperwork that needs to be shredded, clearing off my dresser, filing paperwork that needs to be kept, dusting, washing the stove knobs because they're greasy, and just general upkeep.

I really like FlyLady but her schedule just doesn't work for me right now. I make my bed most days which isn't always an easy task with three people sleeping in it! I do wash a load of laundry almost every day, so laundry isn't piled up. I have my sink clear of dishes most nights. Big A picks out her clothes for the next day before she goes to bed. I have a large desk calendar pinned to the wall that I write appointments on so everyone knows what's going on. I also do some meal planning and all meals are written on the calendar so I know how old everything in the fridge is. I don't clean my toilet every day because I just don't want to. I don't wear shoes in my house, but they are right by the door if I need them. I don't put my clothes out before I got to bed anymore, but I also don't work outside of the home, so it's not a big deal if I wear the same denim skirt three or four days in a row.

It's been too hot to do much work on my crochet projects. That hasn't stopped me from making plans, though! I have several patterns I want to try out once school starts again and the nights get a lot cooler. I've been doing a lot of reading. A friend of mine suggested a book called NurtureShock. I LOVE this book!! It's made me rethink SO MANY THINGS about the way I parent. I now give Big A praise that's based on a specific action or idea. I tell her I really like the way she drew the person in her drawing instead of just a general statement that I really like her drawing. I thank her for helping pick up the balls in the living room that Little A threw all over the place instead of just saying thank you for helping. I was considering changing Big A's bedtime to a later time because she'll be in fourth grade this year. Then I read a chapter in the book that talks about how not getting enough sleep can be linked to obesity and depression. Kids Big A's age still need about ten to eleven hours of sleep each night and most get less than nine. She'll probably be the only fourth grader with a 7:30 PM bedtime, but she's also getting up at 5:30 in the morning so she has enough time to eat breakfast before she leaves for school. There's a really great chapter on why young kids lie. From what I read, a lot of it is based on keeping their parents happy. I learned a while back that if I give Big A the opportunity to lie, even if she knows I already know the truth, she will lie. I've been working on not asking questions in a way that give her the option of telling the truth or telling a lie. I don't ask if she did something. Instead I try to ask why she made that choice. It's rewarding to see that something I figured out is actually backed up by science and multiple studies.

I love this book so much that I think it's going to be my standard gift to anyone with kids or who will have kids. I want to go onto Amazon and buy every copy I can find so that I always have a copy on hand to give to someone. Even random people I meet at the grocery store!

Celebrate World Breastfeeding Week with me!

Homemade laundry detergent!

We've had some really awesome weather this week. It's so nice after the hot and sticky week we had last week. Ugh. We've had some rain and lots of overcast days. I love it. Everyone in the house is in pants today. In July!

This week, since we haven't had to run the air, or even the fans, I decided now would be a good time to try making detergent. If it got too hot, I planned to just open the sliding door. I used a recipe I first found in the book, The Duggars: 20 and Counting!: Raising One of America's Largest Families--How they Do It. At the time, I didn't have a way to copy the recipe, but I was able to find in on their website later - liquid laundry detergent.

I've actually put off making my own detergent for so years and I'm not really sure why. It wasn't all that difficult, although I did manage to grate my thumb (see photo below), and using the stove top to make it didn't noticeably heat up the house. I haven't tried the detergent out yet because we still have a little bit of our store bought detergent left in the bottle.

I need to figure out where to put the five gallon bucket of detergent. It's currently in my kitchen and Little A delights in sliding it all over the floor. Strong little toddler! I don't plan to water down the detergent as fully as the recipe calls for. I rinsed out a handy inverted ketchup bottle with a spill resistant lid, filled it about 3/4 of the way with detergent and the rest of the way with water, and gave it a good shake to mix everything together. It smells pretty, too. I'm hoping the ketchup bottle will make it easier for Big A to wash her clothes without spilling detergent all over the place.

 All my ingredients.

 My poor thumb.

 Melting the soap.

 Mixing the water and powdered ingredients.

 Very full bucket!

 24 hours later.

Squeeze bottle!

Heat, out of state visitors, and non-crochet crafting

This week has been really eventful with lots of appointments, lots of heat, visitors from Utah, and some non-crochet crafting. I feel like I've been running all over the place all week without much time to rest in between appointments. The heat has been ridiculous and didn't help my cranky mood at all, I saw a friend I haven't seen since I was pregnant (Little A is two years and a month!), and I decided I REALLY needed a set of meditation and prayer beads.

Big A and I both had appointments on Monday. Mine was in the morning and I was able to leave both kids with BF. I came home to Big A making herself lunch (yay!) and Little A passed out (double yay!). I got home around noon, rested a bit, cooled off, and then headed back out with both girls to Big A's appointment at 3:30 that afternoon. I also stopped by the library to pick up a book, Sandstorm by James Rollins, and then headed home to attempt to cook something edible for dinner.

With the weather being so icky (humid AND hot), we've had to run the A/C several days this week. I'm afraid of our electric bill next month. Doubly so, since I'm already behind in paying it. We couldn't make it with just the fans, though. It was really that hot. We had heat advisories and warnings several days this week from around 11:00 in the morning until the sun set at 9:00 P.M. Working on crochet projects, even small ones, was definitely out this week. I read instead. I found a blog online that I'm really enjoying and I requested several books from the library. Sandstorm was a little slow to start, but picked up momentum and turned out to be a really great read. It mixes science fiction with treasure hunting and the search for an ancient city lost in the sands of Saudi Arabia. I enjoyed it and I will definitely add the rest of the books in that series to my library request list!

A few years ago, I met with Mormon missionaries for several months and became really good friends with one of the women. K was not transferred to another location and spent about nine months (of her 18 month mission) in Saint Cloud. This is pretty unusual for missionaries. They are typically transferred to another location (sometimes within the same state, sometimes not) every six weeks. She came back for a visit in Spring of 2011 and we've kept in touch (a bit sporadically) over the two years since her first visit.  

K was in Saint Cloud this week, visiting from Utah with her mom. K planned to show her mom the places she spent time while she was here, to introduce her mom to some of the people she made friends with, to see the sights, and she sent me a message asking if they could stop by for a quick visit on Thursday. They only stayed for a little over an hour. I wish they could have stayed longer, but it was nice to visit, even for so short a time. I think I embarrassed them when I breastfed Little A. It wasn't intentional and I meant no offense, but I was in my house and I don't use a cover at all because Little A won't tolerate one. BF said that was probably part of the reason they left after about an hour. I'm sad that something so normal is such a big deal, especially to people who typically tend to have large families where breastfeeding would be pretty common. Or, at least, I think it would be pretty common.

The blog I've been reading is written by a woman who converted from Atheism to Catholicism. I spent nine years in a private Catholic school and religion (pretty much any type of religion) fascinates me. I was curious what made a life long Atheist convert to Catholicism. She's also a Stay At Home Mom with a large family. I'm enjoying her posts about prayer, conversion, mass, contraception, Natural Family Planning, finances, moving back in with her mom, starting a business with her husband, and all the questions she has about converting from believing there isn't anything out there to believing there is. It's fascinating to see her mindset change, little by little, as she grows in her faith and learns about religion.

The blog was started in 2006, so I've been haunting her archives for a couple of weeks. In one post, she talks about an unexpected pregnancy in the midst of a medical battle that requires medication definitely NOT SAFE for pregnant women. She was warned before starting the medication that a pregnancy was not advised and would most likely need to be terminated. She doesn't believe in terminating the pregnancy and is able to find a medication (not fully covered by her insurance at first) that she can take while pregnant. She said she really started to notice a change in her attitude and behavior toward her (then) small family when she prayed the rosary daily.

Despite spending nine years in Catholic school, I'm not Catholic. I was baptized Episcopalian, but my parents were never church people. I've been exposed to a few different brands of Christianity, but nothing really stuck, and I don't go to church at this point, though I have attended two different churches while living in Saint Cloud. What the writer posted about praying has really stuck with me. I'm not typically the type of person to pray. I have a very difficult time asking anyone for help when I feel overwhelmed. I usually end up snapping and yelling when I can't take the pressure anymore. Then, of course, I feel like a shit. So, I figured a little meditation or some prayer every day would probably be a good thing. It might help me find some strength I didn't know I had, or some peace when I feel like I can't handle one more act of defiance from Big A. We're pretty strapped for cash, so, as nice as all the prayer and meditation beads online are, they're out. The whole family went with me to the craft store today and I spent $2.14 (including tax) on wooden beads so I could make myself a set. I already had the thread I wanted to use to string the beads on and the charms are from two different necklaces I don't wear, so I only needed beads and some time to figure out the best way to put the whole thing together. I think it turned out pretty well. I intend to leave it on the windowsill during the three nights of the full moon to bless it. The full moon starts Sunday this week. Pretty perfect timing, right?   :)

I know it's not the best photo, but you get the general idea. The dragonfly charm is from a necklaces sent to me by my friend C and the amber is from a teething necklace I tried to use for Little A. I didn't realize the necklace was supposed to be entirely made of amber stones and this single stone didn't seem to do much on its own. Now I have a way to see these charms daily and they can be a reminder of friends I don't see often.

Crafty update and how NOT to dry your cloth diapers

Happy Friday!

I thought I would start off my attempt at posting more regularly by sharing some photos of the projects I finished before it got to hot to crochet during the day.


This is one I made for some of BF's friends who adopted their niece.

A friend of mine asked if it was supposed to look like bacon. No, but I think it's awesome that I found a way to unconsciously work bacon into a crochet project!


This one was also made for the same people.

I know the photo is a little dark, but I think you get the general idea. I was trying to use up scrap yarn when I made these two baby afghans.


This one is referred to as Project Llama and I ran out of yarn. It will be a while before I can buy more yarn because llama yarn isn't cheap! So, for now, it's in a plastic zippered bag (to protect it from bugs) in the closet.

 

 





I also decided my Tarot Deck needed a better place to hang out so I whipped up this little home for it.

 

 





I didn't have money this year to get BF anything for Father's Day, so I made him a gift instead!

As you can see, I've been busy with my projects.  :)



I've really been working on not letting diapers pile up because it sucks to spend a couple of hours washing diapers once a week. My goal is to wash a load of diapers every morning. Typically, this would include any diapers Little A wore the day before and maybe a diaper from her morning change. So far, I've been doing pretty well. I have diapers hanging outside most mornings to get the full effects of the sun now that Minnesota has decided to embrace Summer. I'm rather proud of myself.  :D  Five to seven diapers is MUCH less daunting than fifteen to twenty. I'm also really trying to rinse her poop diapers right away so I don't have a pile of diapers with dried poop. I've discovered that rinsing the diapers right after I change her is SO MUCH easier than if I wait.


Here are a couple of photos of how my clothesline is set up on my apartment balcony. I have five lines of solar powered stain fighting and drying.

 



 

Oh, on a side note, if you wash your pocket diapers at a Laundromat (like we had to when the power went out for two days and I didn't want to wash a shitload of diapers by hand with a camping lantern), don't do what I did. Don't dry your pockets and microfiber inserts on high in an INDUSTRIAL dryer or this happens. This was on a 30 minute setting. My poor diapers.  :(  The PUL liner melted and the inserts are a little crunchy.

 

 

 

Okay, at the risk of further photo bombing my post, I'll end here and update more next week. Have a great weekend everyone!



More updates

Okay, I know I've been slacking on updating this blog. It's been a bit crazy around here with the weather, Little A's 2nd birthday, a power outage, and then the heat. I've finished up a few projects and I have some photos to share. It's been too hot to crochet much the last couple of weeks, so I've been beating the heat by reading some of the many books on my shelves.


My goal is to try to post an update once a week. I haven't decided which day of the week yet, but I'm really going to try to update more often. I don't even know if anyone reads this, but, if you do, thank you and I hope I can update at least once a week.

Happy Birthday To You!!

Oops...

Big A's mom, T, is flying into Minnesota this week to visit. I've been stressing about her coming up here. I don't really want her here. I even sent her a message saying I didn't think it would be a good idea for her to come up. She said she'd already purchased the tickets and that only an act of god would allow her to get a refund. I'm not a huge fan of the snow, but it's coming down. Is this my act of god?

http://www.google.org/publicalerts/alert?aid=ccc0422b66962770&hl=en&gl=US&source=web

T has never driven in Minnesota snow. She rented a car to drive from the cities to where we live. It's usually about an hour drive at the time she'll be on the road. (I did the drive for about 6 months before I got a job up here.) I checked her flight info and it's still shows active. Granted, that flight is still 13 hours away.

T hasn't been active in Big A's life in a long time. It doesn't have anything to do with living in Oregon, either. She doesn't call Big A. T forgot Big A's birthday this year. She doesn't send cards. I set up a Skype account so Big A could talk to her mom and sent T an invite on Skype. She said she didn't have access to her old Skype account, but that she could set up a new one. That was in February. It's April. Still no Skype account. How much easier do I need to make it? If you want to be involved in the life of your child, you make the time.

Big A's behavior got really bad after she talked to T a few months ago on the phone. I'm really not looking forward to a behavior change for the worse after a week-long visit. Or, at least, I haven't been. Maybe now I won't have to worry about it. I realize that probably makes me sound like a terrible person, but sometimes you have to be terrible when it comes to protecting your kids. I don't think a visit from T will be a good thing for Big A. I think it will make whatever she's going through even worse. Big A has already been in trouble at school and at home for stealing. I don't want to see what comes after stealing.

/sigh  I'm so tired. I've been stressing out about this visit for close to a month now. I'd really like to just get it over with. I don't want to have to worry about T attempting to drive up here in weather she's not used to. I don't want to feel responsible for her ending up in a ditch. I'd prefer she just stay in Oregon.

Big A's behavior has become so bad that I had to call our family therapist again. We stopped working with him in the Fall because things were getting better. Now we're working with him and with someone at the school, too. A friend recommended a child therapist who had great success with his daughter and I'm looking to start Big A with that therapist sometime this Summer.

I'm so fed up with Big A and her behavior. She doesn't like me and she's made that clear. She's taken jewelry from my jewelry box twice. The first time she did, I was able to get the ring back. The second time she took jewelry, she lost it at school. She made up about seven different stories about what actually happened to the ring she stole the second time. BF and I went to the school and met with the Assistant Principal. She really did try to help, but we were going off the first story Big A made up about what happened to the ring, and didn't get anywhere. That ring is probably lost for good. She got caught stealing food at school and got written up. She wasn't stealing the food because she was hungry. Big A said she stole the food because it was there, no one was eating it, and that meant she could have it. At least, that's what it meant in her brain. She's stolen so much food at home that BF and I are contemplating locking the fridge and freezer. When we talk to her about it, it's never because she's hungry. It's always "I wanted it and I took it." She's never once said she took it because she was hungry.

BF and I have talked about Big A until we're blue in the face and neither one of us knows what to do anymore. Nothing we've tried seems to work. I've even searched online for more suggestions. Pretty much everything I found online is stuff we've already tried. It might be easier to just give up and ship Big A off to Oregon to live with her mom, but I really don't feel that would be best for Big A. She may frustrate the fuck out of me on a daily, sometimes HOURLY, basis, but that doesn't mean I've given up on trying to figure out how to help her. I want what's best for her and living with her mom is not what's best. Not right now. Possibly not ever.

I lived with T before I met BF. I saw how T treated Big A and her oldest daughter. She couldn't be bothered. I really don't see how that's changed in the last five years. She says she misses Big A and wants her home. Big A isn't a fucking puppy! You don't get to ship her off at 3 years old and then decide you want her back at 9 years old because you miss her. If T really missed Big A, where are the cards, the letters, the phone calls? Hell, where are the posts on fb? If T can't afford a card or letter or phone call, why haven't there been emails or fb messages? I know she has internet.

I'm going to go crochet and try to calm down.

So many new things

This week has been so full. Some of it has been awesome and some of it has sucked. My Mom celebrated her birthday Monday, I mailed off four care packages, Big A was caught stealing, the whole house *except* BF got sick with what I suspect was food poisoning, we bought two laptops, I set up a Skype account, I *still* haven't had a chance to cut up our cloth stuff, and later today we're going bowling.

I made my Mom's gift this year. I wanted to make a shawl for her and tried out a few patterns I found online. All I got for my efforts was the realization that most people have NO IDEA how to write a pattern. I finally gave up trying to figure out the "easy" pattern I'd found (so easy, in fact, that the pattern writer had to explain the pattern in the comments section because so many people were having issues with what was supposed to be a beginner level pattern) and decided to just make one up as I went with a crochet stitch I don't use often. I made a V-stitch pattern shawl and I even wrote down what I did as I went to see if my pattern writing made sense to others. (The people who looked it over said it did, so maybe I have a career in crochet pattern writing.) The pattern was really simple and I managed to get the shawl finished in about a week. I mailed it early because Monday was a holiday and I wanted to make sure the gift got there before my Mom's birthday. I sent a card and some photos of the girls, too.

My Mom got her gift on Valentine's Day and opted to wait until her birthday to open it. My sister and her boys were there along with my brother. My sister took photos with her phone and sent them to me. My Mom texted me right after she opened her gift, so it was *almost* like being there. My Mom told me later that the color I used to make her shawl was my great-grandmother's (her father's mother) favorite color and her birthday was February 9th. My Mom said it was almost like my great-grandmother was there, too.

I got to Skype with my Mom and my little brother on Friday and after we get back from bowling this afternoon, I'll get to Skype with my little sister because she'll be at my Mom's house. My brother bought a new computer but doesn't have a webcam yet. My laptop came with a webcam and I finally got around to setting up Skype. My desktop came with Skype preloaded, but I never bothered to set up an account. My brother and my Mom were so excited to see Akasha and me. It was actually really fun and I'm glad I bugged my brother to set up an account.  :D

The Post Office really loved me this week. I sent off four care packages and spent almost $30 in shipping. I have a friend who is exploring cloth diapers, so I sent her ten of my clean, no longer in use pre-folds along with four diaper covers. I have another friend who had a daughter a few months ago. I made a cute baby afghan in forest green with purple trim for her. I sent an afghan I've been working on, and finally finished, to another friend of mine for her now two year old. I started the damn thing before the kid was born! I also sent belated birthday and holiday gifts to BF's middle daughter. I chose the cheapest shipping option because I knew I had a lot of stuff going out. I paid less than I expected and all the care packages should get to where they're going tomorrow. I thought about taking a photo of the packages all piled up on the table but I decided not to. I sent out three shipping envelopes and one box. I'm looking forward to hearing what everyone thinks. I found it pretty hilarious that all of my care packages were being sent to either California or Oregon. I'm an ocean girl trapped in the middle of the continent!

There aren't many young kids in our building. Big A rides the bus with the kid upstairs and two kids from across the street. While I was making dinner earlier this week and attempting to line dry some diapers inside, there was a knock on the door. The upstairs neighbor handed me a ring and asked if it looked familiar. Apparently, Big A had gone into my jewelry box, helped herself to a ring she liked, stuck it in her pocket so I wouldn't see it, put the ring on after getting on the school bus, and then gave it to the kid upstairs when he said he wanted it after seeing Big A wearing it.

Big A stealing has been an ongoing issue. She was caught taking things that belonged to me that she thought I didn't use anymore. She's taken little gumball machine toys I decorated my work desk with (they're in a box now because I'm a SAHM), she's taken makeup, she's taken candy treats I picked up for myself, and I'm sure a few other things of mine I just haven't found in her hiding spots yet. She's also taken food and toys from Little A and food from BF's lunchbox. This, though, is the worst by far. She said she took it because she wanted it, because it was mine, because she wanted to make me angry, and because BF doesn't get mad when she takes his stuff.  

Our backroom usually has a baby gate so Little A doesn't get into the books and other random stuff back there. That room was supposed to be a place for me to read and relax, but ended up just being a place BF dumped all the stuff he didn't want in the garage. I had taken the baby gate down so I could hang up diapers and hadn't put it back up. I was doing a quick pick up of the kitchen before getting Little A settled into bed. Apparently, that's when Big A decided to raid my jewelry box and help herself to my ring. The ring itself isn't important. I doubt the stones in it are even real, but that's not really the point, is it? The baby gate was down and Big A was mad that she was getting sent to bed early. She saw me go into the kitchen while she was getting ready for bed and knew I wouldn't be able to see her. So, instead of getting ready for bed, she stole from me. Later, while talking to her, she said she thought I wouldn't notice that the ring was missing. That kind of backfired on her because the kid she gave the ring to lives right upstairs. His grandma found the ring in his pants pocket and asked the kid where he got it from.

I woke BF up early before he had to leave for work and explained the situation. Big A has consequence chores assigned when she chooses to be disobedient. At nine years old, it's definitely a choice! They range from green for mild disobedience (easy to complete), to yellow (moderate amount of time/effort), to red (time consuming and somewhat difficult) for completely unacceptable behavior. I explained to BF that I didn't have a consequence chore equal to this type of behavior and asked him to decide on a consequence. I suggested spanking (don't go flipping out) and he actually said he'd consider it. In the end, though, he decided that wasn't the consequence he wanted to go with. Big A is pretty much grounded until further notice, has extra chores each day in addition to her daily chores, and won't be participating in bowling later today. She won't be participating in anything fun for a while, for that matter.

I get that she doesn't like me. It used to bother me, but I really don't care at this point. I'm here to be a parent to her, not a friend. Being friends is for when your kids are older, and even then, sometimes, you still have to be a parent and you don't ever get to be friends. Big A has made it VERY clear that I will never be a mom to her despite the fact that I've been taking care of her since just before she turned four and despite not having any contact with her "real" mom. That used to bother me, too. A lot. Now that I think about it, it's entirely possible this is just another one of her little games to get at me and upset me. She mentioned earlier this week, during one of our many discussions about stealing my ring, she wants to make me so angry that I ship her back to her "real" mom. I'm not even sure where to go with that little gem. Big A has this fairy tail idea of what things will be like if she lives with her mom. You know, no "bad" chores, getting to do whatever she wants, eating candy all the time (oddly enough, we don't have a "no candy" rule), and basically just no supervision whatsoever. All of her anger is aimed at me because BF works nights and I'm the one handing out the consequence chores. BF and I have both explained to Big A that the consequence chores are from both of us, but, of course, she doesn't see it that way. I'm the Evil Step Mom/Queen because I make her do chores and she's Poor Cinderella. Ugh! It irritates me SO MUCH!! There are times I wish for the ability to read minds just so that I can see what's going on inside of her head when she pulls shit like this.

The same night all this ring stealing drama happened, I was attempting to make chicken for dinner. I started with thawed chicken and cooked it in a pan on the stove. I had chicken of different sizes because that's how they come in the freezer bag, but I thought I had cooked everything through. I set all the chicken together on a plate to cool while the noodles finished cooking. I checked the pieces I cut up for the girls and for me, just in case, and they seemed fine. The chicken was white all the way through. BF texted me from work that one of the pieces he got was pink in the middle so he didn't eat it. Then, at 2:00 the next morning, Little A puked all over me. That was the start of an awesome few days of everyone EXCEPT BF getting sick. Little A didn't actually eat any of the chicken I cut up for her, but I'm thinking some of the juice from the raw chicken must have ended up on her plate and she got just enough to be sick. Thankfully, she only threw up the one time, but her diapers were gross for a few days. I ate a small piece of chicken that was cooked all the way through, but ended up puking twice the next morning and spent most of the next few days in the bathroom on the toilet or on the couch attempting to sleep.

Big A had the school call me just before the end of the school day on Thursday to see if I could pick her up because she wasn't feeling well and didn't want to ride the bus home. I was so weak and sick and Little A was actually napping instead of crying because she didn't feel well. There was no way I felt safe operating a vehicle. I explained what was going on at home to Big A's teacher and I heard Big A ask about BF coming to get her. I attempted to explain to Big A that her Dad had just gone to bed about an hour or so earlier after staying up to take care of Little A and me and that I wasn't going to wake him up just to drive her home. We are the first stop on the bus route, so she was only on the bus about 10 minutes. I ended up talking to the teacher again and repeating what I'd said to Big A so the teacher understood the situation. Big A was NOT happy. When Big A got home, I had her use the bathroom and then just sent her to bed. She hadn't been sick at school, so I didn't think to give her a bucket. I checked on her a few hours later because her light was on and found puke all down the side of her bed and in a huge puddle on the floor. She seemed to feel better because she was up coloring and playing in her room, so I had her clean up the puke mess she made. BF ended up having to re-clean it later because Big A's idea of cleaning it up was just to throw the wet towel I gave her over the mess and then pout at being sent back to bed.

My laptop was purchased on Tuesday and BF has tied playing a few games on it. He downloaded Tera to my desktop computer and it ran a little laggy, but was playable. He put in on the laptop so we could play together and the game had no lag at all. He looked up the specs on my laptop and was amazed to find the video card in the laptop was slightly less powerful than the video card he purchased for his gaming desktop (which is currently not working). That made him joke about wanting to get another laptop instead of trying to fix his computer. I know when he's joking, though, and while he may have said he wanted a laptop in a joking manner, I knew we would probably end up getting another one.  :p   BF got paid Friday and I did a quick calculation of the money in the account along with what had to be paid. I told he we could get a laptop for him if he wanted to spend the money on the laptop instead of fixing his desktop. (Office Max is having a killer sale on the Toshiba laptop I bought.) The store didn't actually have the laptop in stock, but another of their stores in Elk River had one, so it's being shipped here and we should be able to pick it up on Monday or Tuesday. BF has been hogging my laptop to play Mass Effect because the graphics are better on the laptop than the desktop. Maybe now that we EACH have a laptop, I can actually use mine. Funny thing is, I bought the damn laptop because he was using my computer all the time. Now that we each have a laptop, my poor computer won't be used for much at all. I guess Big A can use it for school stuff if we put it in the living room. The desktop was purchased last year for about $50 *more* than the laptop price. Go figure. At least BF can play his games now. Maybe I'll actually see more of him, since his desk is still set up in the living room.  :)

With being sick this week and dealing with Big A drama, I *still* haven't had a chance to cut up and sew together all the cloth I bought last week for toilet paper, tissues, baby wipes, and paper towels. Yesterday was the first day I felt well enough to actually get up and *do* anything. Today we are going bowling. Saint Cloud State hosts a Bowl-A-Thon every year at the end of February to help the Make A Wish Foundation. Bowling and shoe rental is free and you can donate at the door. Food and drink items still have to be purchased and I'm not sure if any of those sales go to Make A Wish, but the bowling alley is usually pretty packed. The event runs from 11:00 AM until 2:00 PM. This will be the third year we've gone and I'm really looking forward to it. BF found a bowling ball and a bowling ball bag for me on two different thrift store trips. I took the ball last year to try it out and it's the perfect weight for me. This year I get to bring the ball in my nifty bowling ball bag!  :D  I'm not really good with large crowds so I'm hoping we get the lane we've ended up with the last two years. It's right next to a huge divider for the lanes that's perfect for sitting on and also acts as a bit of a buffer. Big A will be sitting this family even out as part of her consequence for stealing. I wonder if Little A will want to bowl. 

If I want to actually be able to get everyone ready in a few hours, I should probably go back to bed!

Trying again!

I've tried to write this post several times today and it keeps getting eaten. So, here goes...again.

I bought a laptop today. It was something BF and I discussed getting when we thought we were getting more back from our refund. We decided to try fixing the laptop he's had for a while that should only need a new hard drive, instead, and save some money. We checked prices online and locally and I even transferred funds to my Paypal debit card to buy the hard drive. I had care packages to mail off today and then BF wanted to stop off at Office Max for some red pens and graph paper. Six hundred dollars later, we walk out of there with a laptop and warranty, pens, and no graph paper. I don't think I've ever spent that much at one store! On the up side, I should be able to actually update this blog more often, take some of my surveys, work on balancing our check book ledger, figure out our budget, and find more crochet projects to work on.  :)

I've been looking into "crunchy" options for items we use that could possibly be converted to cloth. I already cloth diaper. I've been hesitant to try cloth baby wipes because we don't have a washer/dryer in our apartment. A friend found a hand operated washer online for $50 and I've been using that on the diapers with great success. Now that I have an alternative to using the washers downstairs, I'm ready to forage into new territory. I checked out etsy for different cloth item options. There are some really great deals on there and I was really tempted to buy them. I have a sewing machine that I've been lugging all over the country for close to a decade now. I might as well figure out how to use it.

I went to the fabric store and let Big A help pick out a flannel pattern she liked for toilet paper and baby wipes. I picked out a different pattern for paper towels and tissue. I'm excited!! BF helped me pick out some coordinating thread for the flannel we picked out.  :)  I've even got an idea for setting up the cloth toilet paper on the roll so it's where the old tp used to be. I should be able to get the fabric cut into the sizes I need, but I'll need help from BF to get everything sewn together. I don't even want to attempt sewing with my machine while Little A is running around. Sewing machines and toddlers aren't a good mix.  :p 

There are a couple of other items I will probably purchase from etsy. I don't want to attempt making breast pads. There is a really cool looking set on etsy for $20 (plus shipping) that should actually work for me. I only need the pads for my left boob and it's $20 for four. I've tried other reusable breast pads in the past and I just leak right through them or milk runs right down the bottom. A friend found a set made from three layers of hemp. Worth a shot. If they don't work, I guess I have more coasters.  :p  If I can't get back on Depo, I'll probably also end up looking for some cloth pads. My friend currently uses them and really loves them. She was never a pad person, so that won me over.

So, here begins my foray into cloth items.

Lots of new stuff for 2013

I know it's been a couple of months since I updated everyone. I have lots of stuff to talk about, but I can't seem to get any computer time. I'm hoping that will change when our tax refund comes and that I will either get my computer back or get a laptop I can use.  :D 

I have some stuff that's awesome to talk about and other stuff that's really not so awesome. I'll update again as soon as I can.

Breastfeeding in the face of ignorance

I breastfeed Little A. It's something I'm quite proud of. We've made it 17 months. This is pretty amazing considering most women who attempt to breastfeed in the US give up at six weeks. When I first started breastfeeding, I did the whole blanket or cover thing. I was still getting used to what I was doing and I was embarrassed to show my stomach. A blanket or a cover helps nicely with that. After a while, I became more comfortable and stopped using a cover or blanket all together. That may have had something to do with forgetting to pack one and having a hungry baby. I was not going to sit in the car by myself. 

Last Thanksgiving, we celebrated at one of BF's cousins' apartment. She was newly out of rehab and wanted to show off how well she was doing with holding down a job and getting her own place. Little A wasn't the only baby there, but she was the only breastfed baby. I don't have nursing clothes. I don't have the money for them. I wore a shirt that made it easy to breastfeed Little A. Apparently, though I didn't find out about this until the end of December, this bothered some people. There were boys, you know, and they might ask questions. Other people were uncomfortable.

We celebrated Christmas at BF's parents' house and I breastfed Little A there with no problem. I feed on demand, so, when she wanted to breastfeed, I let her. I don't remember what I wore there. I didn't think it was that big a deal. 

For New Years', we celebrated at the house of a different cousin. My BF has a lot of cousins. Little A was about six months old at this point. I was asked by the owner of the house if I still breastfed. I was very proud of making it to six months and I said that we did. He then informed me that if I hadn't brought a blanket with me, I would be given one, or I would need to go into another room by myself. At first, I thought he was messing around and I made a joke about him eating with a blanket on his head. He then proceeded to tell me that there were young boys (between 10 and 12) and that they didn't need to see what I was doing. He said it also made the adults uncomfortable to see my boobs. This from the same man who had sent out a text on Thanksgiving of a chick dressed like an Indian with boobs out for all to see! I was pissed, but we stayed. 

BF's family all live an hour or more from where we do. By the end of the night, I was ready to leave and never go back, but we wouldn't have made it home in time to see the ball drop, so we stayed. At first, I went down stairs to feed Little A because no one was down there. Then everyone wanted to watch a movie and she was not happy with having a blanket over her head. I found a bedroom I could use, but I was PISSED! BF knew it and kept apologizing. He even offered, several times, to just drive home. I wanted Big A to be able to watch the ball drop and drink grape juice with the rest of the kids. 

This year, we skipped the holiday celebrations that were held at that house. When I was asked by the wife of the house when they would get to see the girls again, I told her what had happened at New Years'. She then proceeded to tell me that I was making a big deal out of breastfeeding, that I wasn't the first person to ever breastfeed, and that I needed to cover up at family functions because other people were uncomfortable. I was told that I should pump and bring bottles and that keeping my girls from seeing their family wasn't fair to anyone. This was my response, sent via Facebook message.

I'm sorry this has turned into some ridiculous issue. I sent you a message rather than posting a public reply to avoid making a "big deal" out of this. I'm sorry you feel I wasn't being discreet at Thanksgiving and that I was just letting my breasts hang out. I'm sorry you (and from the sound of your message, several other family members) have an over-sexualized concept of breasts. I'm sorry there are several family members who aren't as open-minded about breastfeeding as my family is.
I realize I am not the first person to ever breastfeed and your snarky comment [ You are not the first person to ever breastfeed (Really)] does nothing to help this situation. There are ways to answer questions from curious children, girls AND boys. If breastfeeding is treated like something DIRTY and SHAMEFUL that must be hidden in a back room or covered up, our society will continue to treat women who choose to breastfeed as second class citizens. Children learn by watching adults. Big A was curious when Little A first came home because she didn't remember seeing breastfeeding when she lived in Oregon. Now seeing Little A breastfeed is as natural to Big A as seeing anyone else eat.
I DO want Little A to know her extended family. I enjoy family gatherings and I look forward to them. When it comes to breastfeeding, I AM using my best judgement. I will NOT put myself OR my children in an uncomfortable and stressful situation in order to make everyone ELSE happy.  (Names were edited out)

About a month before Thanksgiving, I asked on Facebook if anyone knew where Thanksgiving was being held. I tagged BF and his mom in the post so everyone could see it. All I got back was that no one knew where it was and that was it. I waited a few weeks and then BF and I decided to have Thanksgiving at our house.

Early last week, I posted a link to an article about breastfeeding during the holidays and ways to survive less than enthusiastic relatives. I posted it because I can relate. Here is a link to the article.  http://thismilkmatters.moonfruit.com/blog/4570873898  I also posted a comment with the link that said something along the lines of reactions like the ones mentioned in the article are why we stay home for most family gatherings. 


MY PAGE BLEW UP! There are currently FORTY ONE comments under that post! I was told how great breastfeeding is, but that it needs to be done in private or with a cover. Breastfeeding was compared having sex in the living room in front of everyone. It was compared to porn. I was told I can't just "whip it out" in the main room where everyone else is. (I typically wear a tank top under a t-shirt. Up goes the t-shirt, down goes the tank top. There is no "whipping it out".) I was told I should announce to the room at large what I was planning to do so that people who are uncomfortable can leave. I made the comment about America being ass backward with regard to breastfeeding compared to other countries and was told I could leave if I didn't like America. I was told I don't respect family. When I asked if my baby and I deserved respect, there was, of course, no answer. A friend of mine jumped on to defend me and the posts went from barely civil to downright rude. The comment that hurt the most, though, came from BF's mom. I've breastfed at BF's parents' house on several occasions. I've never felt like I had to cover up or go into a different room. BF's dad seemed a little uncomfortable, but he either looked away or moved so that I wasn't in his direct line of sight. So, here I am assuming (ASS YOU ME!!) everything is fine. Apparently not. BF' s mom jumped on the "Breastfeeding is Disgusting" bandwagon with this lovely gem of a comment. 
 
That's sad because of you and your boobs the family can't see the kids. I don't think they are asking you to much to cover up when you are breast feeding. Not everyone wants to see your boob.That's my opinion. I would like to see my grand kids more at gatherings but I do not want to see your boobs sorry.

Her comment hurt the most, because I thought she supported me. Or at least respected my choices about breastfeeding. I showed the comment to BF and he called her out on it via text message. She didn't apologize. She said that she never mentioned anything about it to me because she was afraid she wouldn't be able to see the girls. 

After her comment, I removed all but three of BF's family members from my Facebook. My profile is set to private, so they no longer have access to posts or photos. I posted my only public post after I removed everyone, to let them know what I thought about their breastfeeding attitudes. I even left it open to comments in case they felt they had something to add. I woke up to this in my Facebook messages. 

So u did take it personal Ur a liar!!! And now have a new enemy!! 

This was sent by the person who compared breastfeeding to porn and to having sex in the living room. No, this person is not 12. This person is pretty close to my age. A grown ass DUDE! When I showed the message to BF, just to show him how ridiculous the whole situation had become, he took my phone and told the guy off. He sent back a message telling him to grow up and stop treating me like crap. When the cousin tried to say he'd been civil, BF told him to knock it off because he'd read all the comments on the post. By the way, that dude is now blocked. 

So, all of this drama over a link to a post that I'm pretty sure no one even bothered to read. I have a very supportive BF that I am so grateful for. He's all for not attending family gatherings if his family is going to behave this way. That was not something I asked him to do. I told him I was totally fine with him taking Big A and going to any gathering he wanted. He said if they were going to act this way, they don't need to see any of us. I love him so much! 

BF and I do plan to move back to Portland sometime in the next few years. The sad part to all of this is that most of his family won't see the girls before we do. Once we are in Portland, they won't see the girls at all because we won't have the money to fly back here and they won't bother to fly out there.