Big A's mom, T, is flying into Minnesota this week to visit. I've been stressing about her coming up here. I don't really want her here. I even sent her a message saying I didn't think it would be a good idea for her to come up. She said she'd already purchased the tickets and that only an act of god would allow her to get a refund. I'm not a huge fan of the snow, but it's coming down. Is this my act of god?
http://www.google.org/publicalerts/alert?aid=ccc0422b66962770&hl=en&gl=US&source=web
T has never driven in Minnesota snow. She rented a car to drive from the cities to where we live. It's usually about an hour drive at the time she'll be on the road. (I did the drive for about 6 months before I got a job up here.) I checked her flight info and it's still shows active. Granted, that flight is still 13 hours away.
T hasn't been active in Big A's life in a long time. It doesn't have anything to do with living in Oregon, either. She doesn't call Big A. T forgot Big A's birthday this year. She doesn't send cards. I set up a Skype account so Big A could talk to her mom and sent T an invite on Skype. She said she didn't have access to her old Skype account, but that she could set up a new one. That was in February. It's April. Still no Skype account. How much easier do I need to make it? If you want to be involved in the life of your child, you make the time.
Big A's behavior got really bad after she talked to T a few months ago on the phone. I'm really not looking forward to a behavior change for the worse after a week-long visit. Or, at least, I haven't been. Maybe now I won't have to worry about it. I realize that probably makes me sound like a terrible person, but sometimes you have to be terrible when it comes to protecting your kids. I don't think a visit from T will be a good thing for Big A. I think it will make whatever she's going through even worse. Big A has already been in trouble at school and at home for stealing. I don't want to see what comes after stealing.
/sigh I'm so tired. I've been stressing out about this visit for close to a month now. I'd really like to just get it over with. I don't want to have to worry about T attempting to drive up here in weather she's not used to. I don't want to feel responsible for her ending up in a ditch. I'd prefer she just stay in Oregon.
Big A's behavior has become so bad that I had to call our family therapist again. We stopped working with him in the Fall because things were getting better. Now we're working with him and with someone at the school, too. A friend recommended a child therapist who had great success with his daughter and I'm looking to start Big A with that therapist sometime this Summer.
I'm so fed up with Big A and her behavior. She doesn't like me and she's made that clear. She's taken jewelry from my jewelry box twice. The first time she did, I was able to get the ring back. The second time she took jewelry, she lost it at school. She made up about seven different stories about what actually happened to the ring she stole the second time. BF and I went to the school and met with the Assistant Principal. She really did try to help, but we were going off the first story Big A made up about what happened to the ring, and didn't get anywhere. That ring is probably lost for good. She got caught stealing food at school and got written up. She wasn't stealing the food because she was hungry. Big A said she stole the food because it was there, no one was eating it, and that meant she could have it. At least, that's what it meant in her brain. She's stolen so much food at home that BF and I are contemplating locking the fridge and freezer. When we talk to her about it, it's never because she's hungry. It's always "I wanted it and I took it." She's never once said she took it because she was hungry.
BF and I have talked about Big A until we're blue in the face and neither one of us knows what to do anymore. Nothing we've tried seems to work. I've even searched online for more suggestions. Pretty much everything I found online is stuff we've already tried. It might be easier to just give up and ship Big A off to Oregon to live with her mom, but I really don't feel that would be best for Big A. She may frustrate the fuck out of me on a daily, sometimes HOURLY, basis, but that doesn't mean I've given up on trying to figure out how to help her. I want what's best for her and living with her mom is not what's best. Not right now. Possibly not ever.
I lived with T before I met BF. I saw how T treated Big A and her oldest daughter. She couldn't be bothered. I really don't see how that's changed in the last five years. She says she misses Big A and wants her home. Big A isn't a fucking puppy! You don't get to ship her off at 3 years old and then decide you want her back at 9 years old because you miss her. If T really missed Big A, where are the cards, the letters, the phone calls? Hell, where are the posts on fb? If T can't afford a card or letter or phone call, why haven't there been emails or fb messages? I know she has internet.
I'm going to go crochet and try to calm down.
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