Thanksgiving is usually held at the house of one of BF's relatives. A couple of weeks ago, I posted a question on facebook asking where Thanksgiving would be this year and got a response that no one knows yet. I've patiently waited to see if there would be any type of announcement as to who is hosting. I'm sure someone has volunteered at this point because planning needs to be done and help needs to be asked for, but I still haven't seen anything. This being the case, BF suggested we have our own Thanksgiving and invite his neighbor friends to our house.
I'm thrilled at the prospect! I've never hosted my own Thanksgiving. We live too far away for BF's family to consider making the trip up to see us. We live in St. Cloud and most of them are in the cities. On Monday, we sat down with the neighbors and discussed meal plans. BF and I will take care of apps, the main dishes, and the drinks and they will provide desserts. BF gets a free turkey from work which is extremely helpful! My list seems like it's a mile long, but a lot of what's on there can be bought in pieces. Now I just have to re-organize my list into food categories so I don't forget anything! I also have to figure out what can be made ahead of time and stored and what absolutely needs to be made the day of, aside from the turkey, of course. :p
I've been Flying (www.flylady.net) since I became a SAHM in April of this year and it's really helping me with not freaking out about the state of my home. My home isn't in a "state". Sure, I've slacked a little for about a week now because I haven't felt well, but my home is still pretty clean. I know I have a few weeks before Thanksgiving and I'm confident my routines will see me through it without any stress or last minute crisis cleaning.
Thanksgiving is my second favorite holiday (Halloween tops the list) and I'm excited to start our own family traditions. Big A is 8 and Little A is 16.5 months. I want them to have great holiday memories. I have very fond memories of Thanksgiving with my Dad. I think it would be awesome if, once our kids are grown, they still want to come back home for Thanksgiving. I'm really hopeful that this year will be the start of our own Thanksgiving traditions.
BF and I have absolutely NO IDEA how to cook a turkey. Neither of us have ever done it. I have a FlyBuddy who has offered to help me with tips and advice so our turkey doesn't come out dry or burnt or raw. I do know it needs to thaw for several days before Thanksgiving and I'm hoping BF's work gives him the turkey coupon early enough to do that. I'd like to thaw it in the fridge, but I'll do it in the sink if necessary.
Little A just toddled up to me for her boobies! Time to go. :)
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Sixteen Months
I have so much going on right now I'm not even sure where to start. Just thinking about trying to get some of this out of my head gives me a headache! BF and I have been arguing a lot recently. Our new family therapist seems really awesome. The holidays are fast approaching and we have $2.00 in our checking account. Little A is 16 months old today. Big A is becoming more and more defiant and oppositional. I've been feeling really down the last couple of weeks and I was actually sick on Friday. I told BF I was "calling in" and spent most of the day passed out on the couch.
I received an email from Big A's teacher saying her focus is getting better in class. This is great news! It means her meds are getting into her system in time for school and she can focus during the school day. Big A has also had several Good Behavior awards sent home. I really try to make a big deal out of these and I tape them to her bedroom wall. She has a regular Wall of Fame going on in there. :)
Our new family therapist (we had to fire the previous therapist because she was clueless about our family after working with us for several months) seems to really understand our family and the issues we are having. We've seen him about three times now, I think. Maybe four times. He's always on time, which is a huge plus because our last therapist was habitually late. (Tardiness is a pet peeve of mine.) He takes time during each session to speak with Big A privately and was able to figure out an issue that our last therapist couldn't, even after working with us for so long.
Big A told him she is afraid to get close to me because she thinks I'm going to leave like her Bio-Mom did. I explained to our therapist that there was a time, shortly after Little A was born, when BF and I were having a LOT of issues and I told him I was thinking about leaving because I felt like I wasn't wanted. This was an argument we had several times during my maternity leave and shortly after I went back to work. We eventually talked and sorted everything out, but there are still times I feel like I'm being left out and feel like I'm not wanted here. There are times I feel like BF and Big A are a team and I'm the kid no one wants to play dodge ball with. After the therapist mentioned what Big A had said, I started thinking back and I realized her behavior became worse after Little A came home, which I expected, but it got really bad when BF and I were arguing about me leaving. The therapist asked if I still felt that way and I said I didn't, so he asked me to tell Big A that I wasn't going to leave. I looked right at her and told her that even though her Daddy and I fight, it doesn't mean that we won't stay together. I tried to explain, as simply as possible so she could understand, that all couples fight, but that didn't mean that I would leave like her other Mom did.
I had hoped that this revelation and subsequent discussion would ease some of the tension in the house. I guess I hoped for too much. Since our session last week, Big A has been even more defiant and oppositional. I understand that some of this is "normal" because I'm the parent she spends the most time with, that some of this is related to the ADD, and that some of this is just "typical" 8 year old behavior. I don't have another older child to compare her behavior to, so I watch how she interacts with BF. She doesn't mouth off, or argue, or backtalk, or outright ignore him. That means there is still some underlying issue that she has with me. I don't know what the problem is and I can't make changes until I do. In the mean time, I'm stuck with a child who lies to me, argues and back talks me, rolls her eyes at me when I ask her to do simple things around the house, and out right ignores things I tell her to do because she doesn't feel like doing them.
As far as chores go, she's got it pretty easy. Aside from her basic morning and evening routines (teeth and hair brushing, showering, getting dressed, picking out clothes for the next day, putting away toys and books in her room), she empties the dishwasher and cleans out the cat boxes. I change the litter about once every two weeks by totally emptying the boxes and putting new litter in. I don't ask or expect her to help with this part. She's only responsible for daily poop scooping. We have two cats and two cat boxes. One cat is really picky and will pee on my bathroom floor if the cat boxes go too long without being scooped. I take care of the rabbit cage and the two bird cages. I don't feel that being on poop scoop duty (haha, duty) is all that taxing. No, it's not the most fun chore in the world and I know that. I cleaned out cat boxes when I was a kid. Considering that the cat boxes are one of two chores Big A has, I think she's got it pretty easy.
I've been told some of her behavior is because of the ADD. While I do feel that is true, I watch how she interacts and behaves with BF and how she behaves and interacts with me. When BF is around, Big A is more respectful to me, but she still mouths off, lies, back talks, and ignores me as she feels the need to. It's very frustrating and upsetting to feel like I'm the only parent she does this to. I know there are occasional small lies to BF and some occasional smart remarks, but it's nothing compared to what I deal with on a daily basis. I'm dreading next week because she's off early on Wednesday, and out of school for all of Thursday and Friday. How sad is that? I should be happy that she's home, right? Instead, I want to stay in bed until the next Monday so I don't have to put up with her pissy behavior.
On top of all that, when Big A's behavior gets bad, BF and I fight more often. There have been times that Big A has intentionally said or done something to start a fight between BF and me (she admitted to it after BF and I fought). She's a crafty girl. I feel like it's the same argument all the time. When BF was first awarded custody of Big A, he had this whole "I'm the Dad and my word is final" mentality. He undermined me a LOT. It hurt my relationship with Big A. Now, five years later, I'm still dealing with the fallout. As sad as this sounds, Big A is the main thing BF and I fight about. They aren't nice fights, either. There is a lot of sarcasm and eye rolling on his side, a lot of yelling on my side, and the inevitable walking away he does because he "can't talk to" me. Which means the problem is out there in limbo to be revisited when I've reached my bullshit limit and explode again. It's a vicious cycle that I'm sick of being in. I don't see any way to stop the arguments except to have him step up with Big A and tell her, as many times as necessary, that her behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Little A is seeing all of this and will eventually have consequences for her behavior. I don't agree with having two sets of rules, but I fear that's what will happen. How do I explain to a toddler why her older sister gets special treatment and why the expectations for behavior are different?
Little A is 16 months old today. I can't believe how quickly she's approaching her 2nd birthday. I was not ready for her to turn one and now she's not that far from two! I've taken breastfeeding photos of Little A from the time we came home from the hospital. I plan to put together a breastfeeding photo book at some point. I took one today and, for the first time, posted it on Facebook. I've been really careful not to post any breastfeeding photos on Facebook because of all the controversy and also because BF's family is weird about it. Last New Year's Eve, I was asked if I was "still breastfeeding" (Little A was 6.5 months at this point) and was told that if I hadn't brought a blanket to cover up with, I would be given one as I offended and disgusted family members at Thanksgiving by feeding Little A without a cover. At first I tried to handle the situation by joking and telling this person that they could eat under a blanket or in the bathroom if they wanted. Then I realized they were serious and got more and more pissed as the night went on. BF was totally understanding and supportive. Now, as a solution, we do not go to gatherings or events at that particular house. Their loss, not ours.
Back to today. I finally decided that I'm not going to let them decide what I post on Facebook. My page is private and so are my albums, so only people I have friended can see my posts and photos. If they choose to let something beautiful offend them, they can kindly unfriend me and go fuck themselves. I moved out to BFE Minnesota to avoid drama. I don't plan to go nuts with the breastfeeding photos and post every single one I have. I took them for me. I don't even know if Little A will be interested in the photo book I plan to put together later. I won't be upset if she's not. She's probably the only baby I will get to have and I want to document our breastfeeding experience. I am super proud of both of us for making it 16 months. We had a lot of set backs and opposition to overcome the first few months, from her Dr of all people! I don't plan to stop until she wants to. BF was a little leery of me breastfeeding once Little A got teeth, but his general response to her being cranky now is to "give her a boob!" I find it hilarious!
I think that's about all I'm going to be able to write for now. Little A woke up from her nap a little while ago and doesn't really like breastfeeding on my lap while I type.
I received an email from Big A's teacher saying her focus is getting better in class. This is great news! It means her meds are getting into her system in time for school and she can focus during the school day. Big A has also had several Good Behavior awards sent home. I really try to make a big deal out of these and I tape them to her bedroom wall. She has a regular Wall of Fame going on in there. :)
Our new family therapist (we had to fire the previous therapist because she was clueless about our family after working with us for several months) seems to really understand our family and the issues we are having. We've seen him about three times now, I think. Maybe four times. He's always on time, which is a huge plus because our last therapist was habitually late. (Tardiness is a pet peeve of mine.) He takes time during each session to speak with Big A privately and was able to figure out an issue that our last therapist couldn't, even after working with us for so long.
Big A told him she is afraid to get close to me because she thinks I'm going to leave like her Bio-Mom did. I explained to our therapist that there was a time, shortly after Little A was born, when BF and I were having a LOT of issues and I told him I was thinking about leaving because I felt like I wasn't wanted. This was an argument we had several times during my maternity leave and shortly after I went back to work. We eventually talked and sorted everything out, but there are still times I feel like I'm being left out and feel like I'm not wanted here. There are times I feel like BF and Big A are a team and I'm the kid no one wants to play dodge ball with. After the therapist mentioned what Big A had said, I started thinking back and I realized her behavior became worse after Little A came home, which I expected, but it got really bad when BF and I were arguing about me leaving. The therapist asked if I still felt that way and I said I didn't, so he asked me to tell Big A that I wasn't going to leave. I looked right at her and told her that even though her Daddy and I fight, it doesn't mean that we won't stay together. I tried to explain, as simply as possible so she could understand, that all couples fight, but that didn't mean that I would leave like her other Mom did.
I had hoped that this revelation and subsequent discussion would ease some of the tension in the house. I guess I hoped for too much. Since our session last week, Big A has been even more defiant and oppositional. I understand that some of this is "normal" because I'm the parent she spends the most time with, that some of this is related to the ADD, and that some of this is just "typical" 8 year old behavior. I don't have another older child to compare her behavior to, so I watch how she interacts with BF. She doesn't mouth off, or argue, or backtalk, or outright ignore him. That means there is still some underlying issue that she has with me. I don't know what the problem is and I can't make changes until I do. In the mean time, I'm stuck with a child who lies to me, argues and back talks me, rolls her eyes at me when I ask her to do simple things around the house, and out right ignores things I tell her to do because she doesn't feel like doing them.
As far as chores go, she's got it pretty easy. Aside from her basic morning and evening routines (teeth and hair brushing, showering, getting dressed, picking out clothes for the next day, putting away toys and books in her room), she empties the dishwasher and cleans out the cat boxes. I change the litter about once every two weeks by totally emptying the boxes and putting new litter in. I don't ask or expect her to help with this part. She's only responsible for daily poop scooping. We have two cats and two cat boxes. One cat is really picky and will pee on my bathroom floor if the cat boxes go too long without being scooped. I take care of the rabbit cage and the two bird cages. I don't feel that being on poop scoop duty (haha, duty) is all that taxing. No, it's not the most fun chore in the world and I know that. I cleaned out cat boxes when I was a kid. Considering that the cat boxes are one of two chores Big A has, I think she's got it pretty easy.
I've been told some of her behavior is because of the ADD. While I do feel that is true, I watch how she interacts and behaves with BF and how she behaves and interacts with me. When BF is around, Big A is more respectful to me, but she still mouths off, lies, back talks, and ignores me as she feels the need to. It's very frustrating and upsetting to feel like I'm the only parent she does this to. I know there are occasional small lies to BF and some occasional smart remarks, but it's nothing compared to what I deal with on a daily basis. I'm dreading next week because she's off early on Wednesday, and out of school for all of Thursday and Friday. How sad is that? I should be happy that she's home, right? Instead, I want to stay in bed until the next Monday so I don't have to put up with her pissy behavior.
On top of all that, when Big A's behavior gets bad, BF and I fight more often. There have been times that Big A has intentionally said or done something to start a fight between BF and me (she admitted to it after BF and I fought). She's a crafty girl. I feel like it's the same argument all the time. When BF was first awarded custody of Big A, he had this whole "I'm the Dad and my word is final" mentality. He undermined me a LOT. It hurt my relationship with Big A. Now, five years later, I'm still dealing with the fallout. As sad as this sounds, Big A is the main thing BF and I fight about. They aren't nice fights, either. There is a lot of sarcasm and eye rolling on his side, a lot of yelling on my side, and the inevitable walking away he does because he "can't talk to" me. Which means the problem is out there in limbo to be revisited when I've reached my bullshit limit and explode again. It's a vicious cycle that I'm sick of being in. I don't see any way to stop the arguments except to have him step up with Big A and tell her, as many times as necessary, that her behavior is not acceptable and will not be tolerated. Little A is seeing all of this and will eventually have consequences for her behavior. I don't agree with having two sets of rules, but I fear that's what will happen. How do I explain to a toddler why her older sister gets special treatment and why the expectations for behavior are different?
Little A is 16 months old today. I can't believe how quickly she's approaching her 2nd birthday. I was not ready for her to turn one and now she's not that far from two! I've taken breastfeeding photos of Little A from the time we came home from the hospital. I plan to put together a breastfeeding photo book at some point. I took one today and, for the first time, posted it on Facebook. I've been really careful not to post any breastfeeding photos on Facebook because of all the controversy and also because BF's family is weird about it. Last New Year's Eve, I was asked if I was "still breastfeeding" (Little A was 6.5 months at this point) and was told that if I hadn't brought a blanket to cover up with, I would be given one as I offended and disgusted family members at Thanksgiving by feeding Little A without a cover. At first I tried to handle the situation by joking and telling this person that they could eat under a blanket or in the bathroom if they wanted. Then I realized they were serious and got more and more pissed as the night went on. BF was totally understanding and supportive. Now, as a solution, we do not go to gatherings or events at that particular house. Their loss, not ours.
Back to today. I finally decided that I'm not going to let them decide what I post on Facebook. My page is private and so are my albums, so only people I have friended can see my posts and photos. If they choose to let something beautiful offend them, they can kindly unfriend me and go fuck themselves. I moved out to BFE Minnesota to avoid drama. I don't plan to go nuts with the breastfeeding photos and post every single one I have. I took them for me. I don't even know if Little A will be interested in the photo book I plan to put together later. I won't be upset if she's not. She's probably the only baby I will get to have and I want to document our breastfeeding experience. I am super proud of both of us for making it 16 months. We had a lot of set backs and opposition to overcome the first few months, from her Dr of all people! I don't plan to stop until she wants to. BF was a little leery of me breastfeeding once Little A got teeth, but his general response to her being cranky now is to "give her a boob!" I find it hilarious!
I think that's about all I'm going to be able to write for now. Little A woke up from her nap a little while ago and doesn't really like breastfeeding on my lap while I type.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Milestones
Little A is reaching lots of milestones. It's so fun to watch and a little sad, too. Big A is receiving good behavior awards at school. She has her first 3rd grade Spelling test tomorrow. I'm making progress on keeping the apartment clean and making it more of a home. I suppose we're all reaching milestones.
Little A is walking like a pro. She's climbing onto everything she can. I'm SO glad we moved the bookcase from our room to the extra room. That room is blocked off with a baby gate. We have a TON of books. Now I don't have to worry about the bookcases falling on her. She's also starting tobaby...toddler...run. It's so amusing to watch. Little A loves to play "Zoom!" She puts her arms straight out behind her, palms up, looks at me with her little mischievous face, and waits for me to do the same while I chase her around the house.
Big A has brought home several Good Behavior awards. I've also received an email from her teacher letting me know Big A is doing well, behavior-wise, but does tend to get distracted pretty easily. I'm not sure what other suggestions I can give to the teacher. BF and I will need to sit down to see what we can come up with. We discussed Big A's ADD at the open house and gave her teacher some tricks that work for us sometimes, but it really is hit and miss with Big A. Something that worked yesterday and all of last week won't work tomorrow. It gets really frustrating at times, especially for me because BF isn't around much due to the hours he works. Some days are better than others. I still have days when I freak out and yell, but I'm working on it.
I've been using the www.Flylady.net system since I became a SAHM in April of this year. There are times I fall off the wagon and don't do my routines or clean anything at all for a week. When Little A was teething a few weeks ago, I really got nothing at all accomplished. One of the many great things with this system is that you're never behind. You just jump in with the next Zone and go from there. My apartment was a mess, the floors needed vacuuming and sweeping, the sink was full of dishes, the dishwasher had clean stuff in it, and the laundry was piled up. Pre-Flylady, I would have freaked the fuck out, stressed about how much there was to do, yelled, and accomplished nothing. When Little A was feeling better, I was able to tackle the big items in 10 to 15 minute spurts. I got the bathroom cleaned, the dishes put away, the stuff in the sink washed, the living room picked up and vacuumed, and I didn't spend an entire day doing it. I spread it out over a few days.
I've slowly been framing our photos and adding them to the living room walls. We move around a lot and I never saw the point in framing and putting up photos, but I finally got tired of staring at white walls. We have some photos up and I plan to add more as I get frames for them. I've found some really great deals at Savers and garage sales on frames. I have a really nice frame I picked up at Walmart that has several openings of different sizes. I've filled quite a few of the spots, but I need to look through all the photos on my computer to finish out the collage frame. I have Big A's artwork up on the wall. I have Little A's hospital photos. I have photos of my family and of BF's other children. It's really starting to look better in here. It's starting to look like a home instead of a place we'll be staying for a bit. That makes me happy.
Little A is walking like a pro. She's climbing onto everything she can. I'm SO glad we moved the bookcase from our room to the extra room. That room is blocked off with a baby gate. We have a TON of books. Now I don't have to worry about the bookcases falling on her. She's also starting to
Big A has brought home several Good Behavior awards. I've also received an email from her teacher letting me know Big A is doing well, behavior-wise, but does tend to get distracted pretty easily. I'm not sure what other suggestions I can give to the teacher. BF and I will need to sit down to see what we can come up with. We discussed Big A's ADD at the open house and gave her teacher some tricks that work for us sometimes, but it really is hit and miss with Big A. Something that worked yesterday and all of last week won't work tomorrow. It gets really frustrating at times, especially for me because BF isn't around much due to the hours he works. Some days are better than others. I still have days when I freak out and yell, but I'm working on it.
I've been using the www.Flylady.net system since I became a SAHM in April of this year. There are times I fall off the wagon and don't do my routines or clean anything at all for a week. When Little A was teething a few weeks ago, I really got nothing at all accomplished. One of the many great things with this system is that you're never behind. You just jump in with the next Zone and go from there. My apartment was a mess, the floors needed vacuuming and sweeping, the sink was full of dishes, the dishwasher had clean stuff in it, and the laundry was piled up. Pre-Flylady, I would have freaked the fuck out, stressed about how much there was to do, yelled, and accomplished nothing. When Little A was feeling better, I was able to tackle the big items in 10 to 15 minute spurts. I got the bathroom cleaned, the dishes put away, the stuff in the sink washed, the living room picked up and vacuumed, and I didn't spend an entire day doing it. I spread it out over a few days.
I've slowly been framing our photos and adding them to the living room walls. We move around a lot and I never saw the point in framing and putting up photos, but I finally got tired of staring at white walls. We have some photos up and I plan to add more as I get frames for them. I've found some really great deals at Savers and garage sales on frames. I have a really nice frame I picked up at Walmart that has several openings of different sizes. I've filled quite a few of the spots, but I need to look through all the photos on my computer to finish out the collage frame. I have Big A's artwork up on the wall. I have Little A's hospital photos. I have photos of my family and of BF's other children. It's really starting to look better in here. It's starting to look like a home instead of a place we'll be staying for a bit. That makes me happy.
Monday, October 1, 2012
General Craziness!
The last couple of weeks have been nuts! Little A was, and might still be, teething, I've been exhausted, Big A is being super defiant with me, her lying is getting worse, and we may not have enough to pay rent. I'm a little stressed!
While Little A was teething, I didn't brush her teeth. I know that's probably not the best decision, but she was in so much pain. I didn't want to add to it. Last week, after the worst of the teething crankiness was over, I tried to brush her teeth with the toothbrush we've used for a while now and ended up with Vampire Baby! I don't know which one of us was more traumatized! She had dark red blood running all down her chin. I freaked out and BF had to take the baby. We're using a washcloth for now, but I'm hoping we'll be back to the toothbrush in a couple weeks.
I'm at a loss with Big A. She isn't pulling the "You aren't my Mom" bullshit anymore, but her attitude with me is worse. BF grounded her for her behavior for a week and it has turned into two weeks because of Big A's attitude. I just.don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of the lying, I'm sick of the "Fuck You" attitude she gives me when BF is sleeping or at work, I'm sick of her deliberately ignoring me and doing what she wants instead of what I ask or tell her to do. BF and I have tried everything we can think of and nothing seems to really have an effect. Maybe our new family therapist can make some headway. That reminds me -- we have therapy homework. /sigh More stuff for me to read and then try to go over with BF before Tuesday.
BF gets paid Friday, but it won't be enough to cover rent. We have about $45 left from his last check. I guess I'll have to call the office and tell them we'll pay rent in payments. It means paying a late fee again and we haven't paid the late fee from last month yet. BF gets a bonus check this month and that will help tremendously. I'm really thankful he gets a bonus check every few months. They help us play catch up. They are based on department production and this quarter they have done really well. That means (hopefully) a couple hundred for the bonus check.
Okay, my diapers are out of the dryer. That means it's time to do my FlyLady stuff and then maybe watch some Grey's Anatomy on Netflix or read our therapy homework. :)
While Little A was teething, I didn't brush her teeth. I know that's probably not the best decision, but she was in so much pain. I didn't want to add to it. Last week, after the worst of the teething crankiness was over, I tried to brush her teeth with the toothbrush we've used for a while now and ended up with Vampire Baby! I don't know which one of us was more traumatized! She had dark red blood running all down her chin. I freaked out and BF had to take the baby. We're using a washcloth for now, but I'm hoping we'll be back to the toothbrush in a couple weeks.
I'm at a loss with Big A. She isn't pulling the "You aren't my Mom" bullshit anymore, but her attitude with me is worse. BF grounded her for her behavior for a week and it has turned into two weeks because of Big A's attitude. I just.don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of the lying, I'm sick of the "Fuck You" attitude she gives me when BF is sleeping or at work, I'm sick of her deliberately ignoring me and doing what she wants instead of what I ask or tell her to do. BF and I have tried everything we can think of and nothing seems to really have an effect. Maybe our new family therapist can make some headway. That reminds me -- we have therapy homework. /sigh More stuff for me to read and then try to go over with BF before Tuesday.
BF gets paid Friday, but it won't be enough to cover rent. We have about $45 left from his last check. I guess I'll have to call the office and tell them we'll pay rent in payments. It means paying a late fee again and we haven't paid the late fee from last month yet. BF gets a bonus check this month and that will help tremendously. I'm really thankful he gets a bonus check every few months. They help us play catch up. They are based on department production and this quarter they have done really well. That means (hopefully) a couple hundred for the bonus check.
Okay, my diapers are out of the dryer. That means it's time to do my FlyLady stuff and then maybe watch some Grey's Anatomy on Netflix or read our therapy homework. :)
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